Honesty, warty frogs and blogging angry

There’s been a lot of buzz in the blogosphere lately about honesty. A few weeks ago I was told by my beautiful friend RedundantMother that I appeared so experienced and published. I hadn’t claimed to be either, and flattering as her comment was, I started to worry.


The fearless Eden Riley blogged about the cost of honesty in her fabulous post here – http://www.edenriley.com/2012/04/taking-hits.html. She talks about honesty in blogging being like putting your best china out there… and risking someone coming along and smashing it.

A few weeks ago my partner, R, suggested I write about how people on the internet produce their “Dinner Party Persona” to the world via Facebook, Twitter and blogging. He feels people aren’t honest about who they are. They only show the good stuff. The stuff that makes them look like mature, concerned, worldly-wise activists/political theorists/insert preferred ist here. Not the tantrums, bad hair days, grumpy arguments, shitty attitudes, and CBF days. They don’t expose themselves, warts and all.

At this point I need to point out that on my Facebook page (the personal one, not the professional one) I AM CONSTANTLY SHOWING THE WORLD MY WARTS. Figuratively speaking. I often whinge and whine on Twitter too. Fess up; you know there are times when my whining is annoying. That’s OK.

People have told me that they keep that stuff off the internet (maybe they don’t have that stuff to start with) as it’s “unprofessional”. That people don’t want to hear about it. That’s not what Facebook etc. are for.

To that I say; bog off. I blather on to express what I need to express. Don’t like it? Unfriend me, or hide my feed. Everyone uses social networking tools for their own reasons and in their own way. You don’t get to tell me how I’m allowed to use mine. Thankyouverymuch.

So, on to blogging. As bloggers, we’re in a quandary, especially if we have professional lives. WHAT IF A CLIENT SEES MY BLOG?! What if they happen across a Facebook comment that shows I’m a human being?! THE WORLD WILL END.

Or not.

I gather that I have a blgging persona. One that doesn’t match my real persona. Or only my Dinner Party Persona. I’m not sure why that is. What am I hiding? Why does R care whether the two things match? I suspect because he feels a bit ripped off that he has to put up with the warts and all version and you readers don’t. I don’t blame him. He has to put up with the warty version of this blogging frog.

So just in case anyone is wondering about the real me, here I am.

I’m almost 44, overweight, my hair is grey. I have chronic health issues that I keep meaning to work on. I drink too much. I have a 7 year old who takes up most of my energy. I hate housework so avoid it. Wherever possible. I hate loud noise. I regularly lose my sense of humour. I get defensive over stupid things that don’t matter. I usually define my self-worth based on the opinions of others. I’m insecure, and sometimes lonely. I have anxiety disorder and have had depression in the past. I’m often angry and irritable.

I’m not a super-experienced writer. I’ve been doing it on and off for 20 years but always dabbling, never putting in the required effort and focus to really call myself a writer. I have trouble dedicating myself to a single idea, for long enough to really do it justice. I’m also lazy.

Most days I feel decidedly UNSPECIAL.

I write because I feel compelled to. Don’t make the mistake of assuming it’s because I reckon I’m fabulous at it.

On days when I’ve felt particularly unspecial I haven’t blogged. I haven’t wanted to blog angry.

I’ve probably missed some smaller pieces of crockery here and there, but that’s most of my china. None of it is particularly precious, so smash away.

Here’s my commitment to you – from now on I won’t self-censor my blog (beyond making sure it make sense and is readable).

I’ll make extra effort to be honest. On days when I feel unspecial, I’ll write regardless.

And Microsoft Word, I don’t care that unspecial is not a word. Add to Dictionary, arsehole.

Have you risked your china lately?

Comments

  1. Please don’t censor it. We like your china, or at least I do.

    I put some of my china out there on my blog last year to try to illustrate the frustration, pain and isolation that people with silent illnesses suffer AND what their families do and go through. It made a lot of my family extremely angry, but I think it was my most valuable blogging to date. It was meaningful and personal, and I hope it helped somebody who happened to be in the same situation.

    I think with blogging, as with any writing, when the honesty is not there the reader knows it, so keep putting it out there.

    We all have warts. We all have china. With your warts and china you’re just human, and sharing traits and faults that many of the rest of us have!

    xxxxxxxoxxxx

  2. Thanks darling. Yes I love the honesty of your blog. Thank you for your support xxx

  3. Ditto, to what Skye said. I feel guilty sometimes that my personality is pretty cruisy and cheerful but some people are born to be the support crew. You should post whatever you’re feeling, you should be totally honest bc true friends will like you warts and china all. Some of my friends tell me I drive them nuts every so often with my sunny personality and endless energy but they still love me for my warts. No one is perfect, thats the thing. Mwahs.

  4. Thanks Sue I rely on you to be your cheery self. And expect to be there to help if it fails you. Nobody is perfect but plenty of people hide their warts. No more lol xxx

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  6. Oh my, oh you wonderful woman you. Firstly, I love that you did the linky-thingy to my blog (thank you).

    I am absolutely with you 1000 percent. I no longer have a Facebook page. I had a personal page where I was 1000 percent myself, warts and all. My china was definitely out there for all to see. Good and bad. Especially the bad. It was my outlet and my friends knew it and respected it. Until the day it was completely violated by a child at my son’s school who read my page (via his mother) and then told my son and his friends at school what he thought of my rants. My son, suffice to say, was completely mortified and begged me to tell him that what was said to be on my FB page wasn’t true.

    I know I could have just “unfriended” this child’s mother, I know I could have kept going, but it scarred me because it hurt my child. I decided then and there to can it and to only now reveal on my blog anonymously so that it hurts no one. Some may call this cowardice, some may say that I need to stand up for what I believe in, but I think I do. I tell it how it is, I just don’t necessarily want people pointing at my son telling him his mother is crazy.

    So, to you, my fearless friend, and to all other wonderful bloggers who bare their souls every single day, I salute you all for your bravery and “cojones”. One day I hope to be just like you xxx

    Wonderful post my darling friend x

    • Oh darling, that’s what happened on FB? Well the only lesson there is not to be FB friends with school mums. You poor thing. You didn’t do anything wrong. And you’re not crazy, not one bit. Being crazy would be easy.
      xxxxxxxxx

  7. Firstly, love the frogs. Ribbit!

    Secondly, warts? I have no warts! I’ve heard you can freeze ’em or put some weird blue ointment on them. Those warts are pretty nasty.

    No, seriously, if I had a prsonal blog I would reveal more warts but my blog is for children and their parents (helping them to love wildlife)so perhaps me revealing my stripey underwear or sweaty arpits isn’t really appealing to them. I’m about embark on a personal blog though soon and I’ll be sure to search for warts when I finally have a chance to share them!

    • I strongly encourage you to start a personal blog. I know nothing about anything so talking about myself is what I’m good at 😉
      Welcome to my blog, warts and all!

  8. The beauty about blogging and the internet is if no one doesn’t like what you right or what you think, there is always the “x” button at the top left corner of the screen. This is completely your space and I agree, the world’s not going to end if (gasp, horror) a work colleague reads it.
    I wrote a piece about my MIL a little while ago. It showed the frustration and the angst that I was going through with her at the time. The response was interesting. Some people appreciated where I was coming from. A couple, not so much. But writing it made me even more fiercely defensive about my blog being my own space. Everyone else can bugger off.
    Thanks for linking up with FYBF !

  9. A wonderful post! Thank you so very much for sharing!

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