Conversations with my brain: Tarsiers on crack

Honestly Orificer I had no idea someone had spiked my cicada with crack. Image by Mike Belleme

Me:        “Tarsiers are SO CUTE.”
Brain:     “They look like they’re on speed. Or crack. Or like someone is shoving something unpleasant up a delicate orifice that only the most intimate and trusted of Tarsier partners would normally see.”
Me:        “They do look a bit surprised.”
Brain:     “I’m not surprised they look surprised. You’d be surprised too.”
Me:        “Tarsiers are gorgeous little carnivorous primates. They eat insects mainly but also birds, snakes etc. They’re nocturnal.”
Brain:     “If I looked like a mouse on PCP who had just received an unexpected anal incumberance I’d only come out in public at night too.”
Me:        sigh
Brain:     “What?”
Me:        “I’m trying to educate us here and all you can do is bring it down to… arse jokes.”
Brain:     “Yes.”
Me:        “Why? Why do you have to do that?”
Brain:     “Because that’s why you keep me around. And also because: arse.”
Me:        “Actually I keep you around because it’d be inconvenient if you weren’t here. What with all that keeping me alive, making sure I breathe and don’t die stuff. And that was an utterly crap answer.”
Brain:     “My job here is done.”
Me:        “Did you know that each of the Tarsier’s eyes are as big as its brain? What would you do if it was the same for us?”
Brain:     “I’d tell you to stay indoors during the day like the Tarsier does.”
Me:        “Oh, ARSEBISCUITS!”
Brain:     “Arsebiscuits the unexpectedly rear-ended Tarsier on drugs. Nice.”
Me:        Slams head down on desk.
Brain:     “Ouch.”

ERMAHGERD! A tiny carnivorous primate! Image from here.

Do you and your brain get along?

P.S. If you want to learn about Tarsiers, go here for some more serious information…


  1. OK – I’m a little freaked out here. Perhaps I should have a glass of wine and re-read. Nice use of the term “arsebiscuits”. I’ve never heard that one before.

  2. No.

    Particularly not at the moment… cos Sally left her head cold behind… and it’s a chesty cough for me… and a not quite so chesty cough for Dave… and I’m in the middle of trying to work out the technical solution to a customer project that’s turned out to be way more complicated than I thought… and Dave wants a solution!!!



  3. My brain and I get along about as good as I do with Google. It’s a questionable relationship.

  4. bahaha! arsebiscuits – love it!!


    I am totally using that now.

  6. I am also nicking arsebiscuits. A friend referred to my cyber stalker as a fucknuckle the other day, I liked that too. At first I thought you were talking to someone named Brian. It made a whole lot more sense when I read it properly, and was much funnier too 😀 Note to self, skim reading is not always appropriate… Thank you for this strangely amusing and entertaining piece. And no, we do not, get along that is, my brain and I 🙂

  7. I’m in love with the term “anal incumbrance” Poetry, sheer poetry.

  8. LOL. After reading that, I feel like I am the one smoking crack. What the heck just happened?

  9. CLASSIC, I wish I was as funny as you and your brain! Miss your hilarious input and I hope you are well lovely!

  10. My brain has been ignoring me for quite a while now. Fortunately my wife has filled in nicely for it. It’s wonderful not having to think

    Love your turn of phrase

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