Conversations with my brain: Tarsiers on crack

Honestly Orificer I had no idea someone had spiked my cicada with crack. Image by Mike Belleme

Me:        “Tarsiers are SO CUTE.”
Brain:     “They look like they’re on speed. Or crack. Or like someone is shoving something unpleasant up a delicate orifice that only the most intimate and trusted of Tarsier partners would normally see.”
Me:        “They do look a bit surprised.”
Brain:     “I’m not surprised they look surprised. You’d be surprised too.”
Me:        “Tarsiers are gorgeous little carnivorous primates. They eat insects mainly but also birds, snakes etc. They’re nocturnal.”
Brain:     “If I looked like a mouse on PCP who had just received an unexpected anal incumberance I’d only come out in public at night too.”
Me:        sigh
Brain:     “What?”
Me:        “I’m trying to educate us here and all you can do is bring it down to… arse jokes.”
Brain:     “Yes.”
Me:        “Why? Why do you have to do that?”
Brain:     “Because that’s why you keep me around. And also because: arse.”
Me:        “Actually I keep you around because it’d be inconvenient if you weren’t here. What with all that keeping me alive, making sure I breathe and don’t die stuff. And that was an utterly crap answer.”
Brain:     “My job here is done.”
Me:        “Did you know that each of the Tarsier’s eyes are as big as its brain? What would you do if it was the same for us?”
Brain:     “I’d tell you to stay indoors during the day like the Tarsier does.”
Me:        “Oh, ARSEBISCUITS!”
Brain:     “Arsebiscuits the unexpectedly rear-ended Tarsier on drugs. Nice.”
Me:        Slams head down on desk.
Brain:     “Ouch.”

ERMAHGERD! A tiny carnivorous primate! Image from here.

Do you and your brain get along?

P.S. If you want to learn about Tarsiers, go here for some more serious information…

Comments

  1. OK – I’m a little freaked out here. Perhaps I should have a glass of wine and re-read. Nice use of the term “arsebiscuits”. I’ve never heard that one before.

  2. No.

    Particularly not at the moment… cos Sally left her head cold behind… and it’s a chesty cough for me… and a not quite so chesty cough for Dave… and I’m in the middle of trying to work out the technical solution to a customer project that’s turned out to be way more complicated than I thought… and Dave wants a solution!!!

    So….

    NO!

  3. My brain and I get along about as good as I do with Google. It’s a questionable relationship.

  4. bahaha! arsebiscuits – love it!!

  5. ARSEBISCUITS!

    I am totally using that now.

  6. I am also nicking arsebiscuits. A friend referred to my cyber stalker as a fucknuckle the other day, I liked that too. At first I thought you were talking to someone named Brian. It made a whole lot more sense when I read it properly, and was much funnier too 😀 Note to self, skim reading is not always appropriate… Thank you for this strangely amusing and entertaining piece. And no, we do not, get along that is, my brain and I 🙂

  7. I’m in love with the term “anal incumbrance” Poetry, sheer poetry.

  8. LOL. After reading that, I feel like I am the one smoking crack. What the heck just happened?

  9. CLASSIC, I wish I was as funny as you and your brain! Miss your hilarious input and I hope you are well lovely!

  10. My brain has been ignoring me for quite a while now. Fortunately my wife has filled in nicely for it. It’s wonderful not having to think

    Love your turn of phrase

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