The Hotel California Experience (all the BROWN)

If you’ve visited this lily pad before, you may know I’m a trainer in my other life. This means a bit of travel now and then. Ah, the glamorous life of the corporate traveller.

True, sometimes, I get to stay somewhere posh, where king-size beds and tiny bottles of body lotion abound.

Sometimes, I get to stay in places like this.

I think I just threw up a little at the memory.

Last week I had a brand new experience in the accommodation lottery. I’m coining it my Hotel California Experience.

I checked in late and Lurch was on Reception. Lurch in this case was called Mamun and had half the height (and half the charisma) of the original Lurch. This should have been my first clue.

Lurch is thinking “Fuckpants! Even I have more charm than Mamun.”
Image from

I was exhausted after a crazy few days of travel. Not exhausted enough, though, to not be taken aback by my room.

Decorated by skint minimalists in the 1970s.
When plywood and BROWN were chic.

So much BROWN.


 If you look very carefully you may spot some brown.

Yes that’s the view from the curtains back to the door.

Note the ceilings. Cosy. Not.

Fear not!
The bedroom was so cosy you could barely walk
between the bed and the wardrobe.

Obviously trying to make up for the lack of “cose” in the main room.

These are the instructions for turning on the TV. Yes a whole page of them.

Hotel California – you can check in but you can never teev
(because the instructions are too long)

Outside the room wasn’t much better. Things took an ominous turn on the balcony.


They’re “EXITS’. Not real EXITS.
We call them ‘EXITS’ but really they’re just a door in front of a blank wall and HAHAHAHAAAA YOU’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!


I also shouldn’t have looked down over the edge of the weird atrium in the centre of the building.

It didn’t look any better when I glanced sideways.


And to top it all off, when I went for a walk, I discovered I was clearly in a weird part of town.


All this severe oddness (and extreme BROWN), and this was all I had in the fridge:

Living the dream.

Travelling for work is just not what it’s cracked up to be, you know?  Even having instant Berocca and strawberry milk loses its glamour after a while…

What craptastic places have you stayed in when travelling for work?



  1. Lurch…I love it!
    When I was a teenager travelling around Australia…I was working… at having a goodtime… my car broke down in Coober Pedy.
    Nowhere to stay but inches from the ceiling,on what seemed like a make shift shelf above a mechanics workshop!
    At least it was free.
    Having your own Lurch…Priceless :)xx

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