Depression is a lying little bastard – Part 2

Today I give you the second part of Gaynor Alder’s series on how she beat depression.
This post can also be seen at MWSG.
Go here for Part 1 of the series.
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Depression in all its mind fuckery and trickery may have cloaked me with its darkness, exhausted me with its relentlessness, and picked away at my identity rendering me unrecognisable to myself, but underneath it all, I knew everything it was telling me was bullshit.
 
Yes, you depression. You’re full of shit. And I’m calling you on it.

Whilst at times it may have looked like I succumbed to you, as I spent another day pinned down to my bed by your force, trying to climb my way out from under the criticism, judgement, and torment you were serving up for breakfast, compounding on the grief my heart was trying to reconcile from all the other precious time you had already stolen from me, there was something you could never take from me.
 
My hope.
 
When you felt impenetratable and undefeatable, hope is what nursed from me from one minute to the next, one hour to the next, one day to the next. Hope that tomorrow would be better. Hope that one day it would all be over. Hope that you would eventually become a distant memory.
 
And with that hope, was a desperate determination to not fall prey to your lies. Your accusations. Your demeaning assassinations of my character. Because depression, you don’t get to define who I am. No depression, you’re not forever. 

And, I’m here to say you can be triumphed over.
 
And I emerged from you stronger. Wiser. Better. And my spirit is unstoppable. You’ve become something I look back on. Something I draw strength from just knowing I lived through you. Something I have stepped on top of to propel me further towards all those things my heart longed for when you were holding my dreams hostage.
 
With it I carry a deeper gratitude for life. I see the beauty in simplicity. Find great joy in small moments. An appreciation for waking up and just feeling okay. And I thank you for that. Reminding me of what’s really important and teaching me to pay homage to the beauty of the present moment. A love for romancing the everyday.
 
Overcoming you was never going to be a battle of force against force, or a change in my thought patterns, nor a matter of being strong enough. You’re not a battle of wits, because you’re a scheister who plays dirty. You’re an illness, not a mindset. You’re a flaw in chemistry, not in character.
 
What depression needs is gentleness. Care. Love. Kindness. Patience. Support. Understanding. Not only from ourselves, but also from others. Because we can’t do it on our own. And to find a safe passage through your 3 ring circus, requires a crack team of friends, outside help and medical professionals.
 
We need to call in reinforcements to help us find the courage and strength to hold on, to endure you for yet another day, and to remind us there’s a future beyond you, and it’s burning bright.
 
In the next installment of this series, Gaynor Alder talks about finding the right crack team, and why it took her so long to turn to medication for help.

Has depression given you a deeper understanding of life?

Gaynor Alder is a Melbourne based writer with a penchant for vintage glamour and all things Parisian. She is the Editor-in-Chief of The Modern Woman’s Survival Guide magazine and editor-at-large Teenage Girl’s Survival Guide, gallivants around the world as a Travel Writer testing the thread count of sheets and the fluffiness of hotel pillows and freelances in public relations.  

She started writing The Modern Woman’s Survival Guide, after the umpteenth person told her, you know you should really write a book. Her fingers struggled daily to keep up with the thoughts that desperately wanted to become words on pages, to take centre stage in a book that she knew was going to become the new voice of womankind. Her calling, her destiny, her whatever you want to call it, Gaynor writes because she can’t not write.

You can catch her being awesome here: 
www.gaynoralder.com
www.teenagesurvivalguide.com
Facebook – www.facebook.com/mwsgmagazine
Twitter – @themodernwoman

Comments

  1. Thank you for posting this series.x

  2. My mind knows this is true, my heart right now just can’t see that light at the end of the tunnel. Or what I do see is a flicker so tiny, so distant that, right now seems impossible to claw my way to.

    I know depression lies. Knowing this is what gets me up in the morning but it doesn’t stop me from crying on and off all day, at home and in public. My tear ducts act alone I think. Leaking out the sadness I can’t swallow.

    I just want to depression to end and the upswing to begin again. Fingers crossed it won’t be long.

    V.

    • Hi Vanessa. Thanks for commenting, I haven’t seen you here in a while. I hope you’re getting some support while you’re going through this. It will get better. Good luck chicky babe xxxx

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