An arsehole. Image
Brain: Good morning!
Me: Ugh.
Brain: What?
Me: Why did you have to give me those dreams last night?
Brain: Which ones? The one about the wedding, or the one about the unicorn?
Me: You gave me dreams about weddings and unicorns?!
Brain: Errrrm… No?
Me: *side eye*
Brain: That’s physically impossible.
Me: I know; that’s why I’m telling you I’m doing it. Because I can’t actually look at you.
Brain: Right.
Me: You gave me this stupid dream where I was trying to convince a man to get back in contact with his young daughter. Every time I almost got them back together, something happened to ruin it.
Brain: Yup.
Me: So what was your point?
Brain: I don’t understand dreams, I just give them to you.
Me: Isn’t a dream supposed to be my subconscious trying to tell me things?
Brain: Sure. But the subconscious isn’t here right now to answer your questions.
Me: Where is it?
Brain: I don’t know. I’m not your subconscious’ keeper, you know.
Me: …
Brain: …
Me: Actually you quite literally are.
Brain: …
Me: Can you please take a message then?
Brain: Sure, why not!?
Me: Gee thanks.
Brain: You’re welcome!
Me: So there I was dreaming a confusing dream about a dude and his daughter, when you gave me a nightmare.
Brain: I would never do that!
Me: Liar. You did give me a nightmare. You made me dream about SHOPPING FOR CLOTHES. You bastard.
Brain: That doesn’t sound like me. That was definitely your subconscious.
Me: You made me dream about shopping for clothes AND IT WAS HORRIBLE.
Brain: I wondered why you woke up sweating.
Me: Why do you hate me?
Brain: I don’t hate you. Maybe your subconscious hates you.
Me: Well then please pass that message on to my subconscious when it comes back from wherever the hell it’s gone.
Brain: You’re asking me to tell your subconscious that you hate it? That doesn’t sound healthy to me.
Me: You started it.
Brain: Your subconscious started it.
Me: Bastard.
Brain: That’s not very nice.
Me: Arsehole.
Brain: You seem to be a bit confused about anatomy.
Me: Ugh.
Does your brain hate you too?
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Oh yes. I have a four recurring dreams (teeth; contact lenses; missing a bus; and flying or airports) but occasionally I have one about ‘love’ and it’s wonderful and I’m contented and happy and then I friggin’ wake up!
Oh yes dreams are all ultimately a bit shitty!
There’s your routine right there. Ya funny bugger. x
Bless your cotton socks xxx
Yes I think my brain and subconscious hate me as well as I had screwed up dreams last night too. I don’t think I will bother discussing it with my brain though based on this 😉
That seems wise, if your brain is as much of an arsehole as mine xxx
My husband and I are always wondering why we have such crazy, nonsensical dreams every single night. Hope your brain plays nicely tonight!
Thanks Ness. Yes it did, for once!!
Yep I’m with Ali, that’s a good routine, YOU CAN DO IT (standup that is) My id sucks and don’t even get me started on my superego. UGH. Here’s hoping I can shut it up long enough to get to sleep tonight x
Thanks chick – hope you got some sleep! x
At least your brain is located north of your navel and you can have a conversation. Mine sadly has a one track mind with a single recurring dream … You can fill in the blanks
LOL oh Mark I definitely wouldnt want a “below the waist” aspect to the types of dreams I have. You’re right!