Hi Frog-Lovers. I hope you’ve all been fantastic since I last chatted here with you. I’ve been a very busy frog wearing my non-writing hat and I know I’ve been neglecting you. So between now and Christmas I’m hosting some wonderful and funny writers here on the Lily Pad, while I get some amphibious rest. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I do. 

The first of these guests is my BFF* Bec Pobjie. I call Bec The Cupcake Whisperer because she haz the mad baking skillz. She also likes to defame birds and would really like people to stop talking to her, as you’ll see in the piece below where she gives a score to the experience of finding out that her family was about to get a little bit bigger than she’d anticipated.

When Michaela asked me to write a guest blog post I was honoured, surprised and suspicious that maybe she knew something I didn’t, like I was dying, but mostly I was honoured. I asked if there were any requirements and all I got was “funny” which you know, NO PRESSURE. So then I had to put my thinking cap on as to what topic I would take. I thought about writing about RSVPing to events because people who don’t RSVP really fucking get on my wick, and then I thought maybe I would write about birds because birds, what the fuck are they good for? (Besides eating of course).

*Shakes fist angrily at birds*

You’ve all seen The Birds right? They are so going to take over one day, you mark my words. But then I thought I’d write about the funniest thing that has ever happened to me, which was of course having twins, because that was totally hilarious. I’m sure most people that know me know that I have four year old twin girls. For those that don’t, I have four year old twin girls. They were naturally conceived and total freaks of nature, there are no twins anywhere in our families, which is what makes it so hilarious.

I’ll never forget the day we found out we were having twins. It was my 12 week ultrasound. We decided to take our son with us and make it an all-round family experience. All was going well, the sonographer was doing her thing and then she uttered a phrase that no one wants to hear about anything:

“Well this is going to be interesting”.

No, no, you don’t describe good things as “interesting”, so of course I panic. She goes quiet for what seems like an hour but I’m sure it was just a minute or so, and then she says “I’m seeing double”. Hahahahaha what? I was hoping she was just having a funny turn or something, because the other alternative I was not prepared for, but of course it was the alternative and it was lucky I was lying down. Cut to the end of the ultrasound (which was a very quiet experience as you can imagine because we were both quite shocked) and to me totally freaking out. We had no room really for two babies, our car wasn’t big enough for 2 babies, AND FUCKING HELL TWO BABIES, TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aaaaanyway, lah de dah, we had two babies, at the same time, as one does when they have twins. And having twins brings out all the hilarity and stupid questions and having strangers talk to you even though you hate talking to people so much and of course every second person you come across has twins, or is a twin, or their second cousin twice removed only related to you by marriage has twins. Whenever we go out there is never a time where someone doesn’t say something about the twins, either to us or out loud to whoever they are with, for example:

“Awwww twins”

“Look! Two twins”

“Are they twins?”

“What lovely twins”

“Two girls?” (when babies whilst dressed in pink and purple).

“A boy and a girl?” (when babies whilst dressed in pink and purple).

I really should have attached labels, colours can be so confusing. And clearly should have set up my own freak show and started charging money. And thankfully we don’t get the last two questions anymore.

And of course so many people say “awwwww twins, I’d have loved to have had twins” or “aaaawwww twins I’d love to have twins”. No, no you don’t. No one that has had twins would ever want to have twins. Of course you’d never change the fact that you had them once they’re here but in planning, nooooooooooooooooooooooooo.  And people that have children close together that say “oh mine are so close it’s almost like twins” ah no, no it’s not and you need to stop saying that. STOP SAYING THAT.

So in closing, having twins is hilarious in so many ways, horrible in others and great in the leftover ways. A+ but would not do again.

WHAT’S THE FUNNIEST THING THAT’S EVER HAPPENED TO YOU?

Bec Pobjie describes herself as:
“33 years old married to Ben Pobjie. Mumma to three great kids, twin girls and a boy. Love baking but have no idea WTF to be when I grow up. Swears a lot, idiot.”

I can attest, your Honour, that all these things are true, except the idiot bit (although maybe Bec is calling US all idiots so that could also be true). Bec is the Cupcake Whisperer and makes amazing things to put in your face-hole.

You can read her ranty blog of rants here, connect with her on Twitter here, and view her amazing baking skills here. I recommend her baking services for all your face-hole needs.**

* Bloody Fabulous Female
** Makes a note to re-phrase that.