2014 – The Year of the Llama

Turns out llamas know more about bread than you think

Turns out llamas know more about bread than you think

Hi Frog-Lovers. I know, I know, I’ve been neglecting you. I’m still here, still very busy. A quick reminder that you can still Torture the Frog Here until the end of February. 

In the meantime, I have a great post for you from a good friend of mine. Meet Michael (AKA Wonder Llama), who blogs occasionally over at The Wonderings of Sir Wonder Llama

Here my favourite quadruped shares his theory on aging. Or baked goods. Or something. Enjoy!

When I started writing this, it was supposed to be a pre-Christmas blog post about the trauma of being ill-prepared for the inevitable last-minute shopping frenzy – despite Christmas decorations being in the stores since September.

Alas, the new year has been rung in, the crackers have, well, cracked, and 2014 is lying panting and heaving on the floor in front of me. Oh, and the icing on the cake being that I have returned to work.

Allow me to introduce myself. I am Michael, aka Wonder Llama. A currently thirty-something minion in the throes of a few inevitable and hopefully life-changing events.

Sadly, and by sadly I mean not so sadly, I was born in 1974. Those of you with an abacusesque mind will have put something and something together and worked out where my previous hinting of inevitability might be pointing. (Thank you for adding “abacusesque” to my vocabulary, Mike – Ed.)

May 2014.

As someone once said, it’s time.

I remember back in the 1980s thinking about the year 2000.

“Gee”, I’d think in my teen-minded voice, “in the year 2000 I’ll be 26!”.

Twenty-six!

That seems like a lifetime ago.

It probably is for someone who is fourteen I guess, but it’s long enough ago, and we all made such a fuss about the change of the millennium at the time, or at least the lead up to it, for it to be one of those ‘remember where you were when….’ moments.

But now it’s 2014 and I’m going to be 40 this year.

Shit.

I don’t feel 40… I hope I don’t look it, although my ever-more-visible scalp may present a reasonable argument against my claim. On the inside I still feel the same as I did back in… well, 2000!

My back is a bit more achy, my eyes aren’t as good as they were and I know I shouldn’t be lifting rocks in the garden like I used to, but other than that…

But my life isn’t dominated by the fact that I only have five months of my 30s left. I have a bunch of ‘projects’ (that term annoys me cos it sounds wanky or like a school student) planned which I would like to achieve during 2014. Don’t get me wrong, these aren’t New Year’s resolutions, (although I have given up chocolate again), these are actual effort-induced achievements which I intend to see to completion this very year.

2014 – The year of the llama.

But having said all that, there is that unpleasant feeling in the back of my head that life is passing me by. I don’t mean I’m wasting it, I mean it is running out.

Think about when you buy a loaf of fresh bread. It smells good and tastes great.

The next day you eat a bit more, it’s still pretty ace as far as freshness and there’s lots left.

About half-way through, the bread is starting to be not as awesome as it was and what’s worse, you realise that despite only being half-way through, the slices that are left aren’t going to be as good as the first ones and by the end, they may possibly have a bit of mould on them and you’re not going to eat them.

Sounds a bit like life approaching 40. Half my loaf is left and those slices are littered with the memories of slightly better earlier ones. You know, the ones you ate without a sore back or with more hair, and quite frankly, I don’t even want to think about the slices at the end!

I guess the natural response is to spread on as much peanut butter as possible to the slices left. Well, it would have been until my gastric reflux and lack of gall bladder made peanut butter my kryptonite. My tasty, tasty kryptonite… It just needs some chocolate in order to make it even more delightful… and kryptonitey.

Curses.

Best continue gnawing on this current piece of bread a little longer – it may be multigrain, it may be smothered in enough cholesterol-lowering margarine to line every vein in my body, but it’s still a slice in the first half of the loaf.

Where are you in your loaf of bread? Any slices going mouldy yet?

llama photo redacted

Earth-based Wonder Llama is a business drone with a postgraduate degree in Satellite Imagery and an opinion on everything. In his spare time he collects far too many Star Wars-related toys and has a rather nice wife and daughter. You can follow him on Twitter here.