Hello? Is there anybody out there?

Hi Frog Lovers. It’s been (counts the months/years on her fingers) quite some time since I last wrote here. I’m going to be here more often in the near future, I promise! I have loads to tell you.

Alcoholic beverages may be required. Yes for you too.

Five Frogs Blog

Do you have any requests? Any types of animals you’d like me to write about? If so, let me know in the comments.

In the meantime, here are a few of the frog’s best bits since I started writing here on the lily pad. I hope you enjoy them.

My Top Ten dumb-arse moments of all time (from August 2012)

Would you change your sex, if you could never change back again? (from May 2013)

Conversations with my brain: And then my Basal Ganglia went on strike (from March 2013)

Conversations with my brain: Tarsiers on crack (from November 2012)

And finally, we discover that the real reason women drink at the races is not because they’re keenly aware that they’re standing ankle-deep in mud while freezing in expensive-but-now-rain-soaked cocktail dresses in order to take part in an outdated social ritual based on animal cruelty. It’s to dull the pain of being slowly devoured by their ridiculously impractical head-wear. A revelation that will change human history (AKA you and your spermatophores are going home alone) (from August 2012)

I’m back, baby. Watch this space.


Problogger and lizards by the pool

© Mathew Hayward | Dreamstime.com

As this post publishes, I’m winging my way to the Gold Coast for Problogger 2013

So no posts from me for a few days. Keep in touch with me on Twitter where I’m sure I’ll be tormenting you with photos of all the lovelies I smooch at Problogger and the lizards I hang out with by the pool (not at Problogger). You can follow the #pbevent hashtag on Twitter. 

After Problogger, I’m going to plant my slimey green arse next to a pool and drink a large number of tall, cold, brightly-coloured glasses of fruit-based alcohol. There may even be tiny umbrellas and maraschino cherries.
See you around the pool, Frog-Lovers.

May the road rise with you this Christmas


Photo from here.


No, really, it’s not. Instead, it’s a quick thankyou note to some lovely bloggers who’ve linked me in Christmas linky thingamajigs and the Sunshine Award.

I love that these wonderful, kind bloggers have linked to me – what a lovely Christmas surprise!

I adore each of you, and thank you so much for involving me in your linkies. Go check these ladies out.

The idea of these link games is to ask questions, answer them for yourself and then tag people to then do the same, in a big, fun chain-letter-blog-dance that could, frankly, go on a for about a decade. Terrific for driving traffic to your blog and maybe picking up some extra readers.

Here are my answers from these linkies for those who are curious**:

  1. What would I do with a million dollars? Pay off my home loan, sell the house and buy somewhere near some really good coffee. Give some to the RSPCA.
  2. Favourite Time of the Year? Bedtime. No, actually it’s Christmas. Bedtime. At Christmas.
  3. Favourite Festive movie? National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?

    Image from here. 
  4. What is your Passion? It changes daily. So ask me tomorrow. And the next day. And the next day… good luck keeping up with that one.
  5. Favourite Colour? Purple.
  6. Favourite time of the Day? See No 2 above.
  7. Favourite Flower? One that doesn’t have wild crazy plant sex every Spring and make me want to gouge my eyes out with a weeding fork.
  8. Favourite Non-Alcoholic Beverage? What are these non-alcoholic beverages of which you speak?
  9. Favourite Physical Activity? Seriously? Do you not know the frog at all?
  10. Favourite Vacation? Anywhere that includes warm weather, a pool and cocktails. Lots and lots of cocktails…

At this point I’m supposed to link to a handful of other bloggers that I admire. The bad news is, I’m not going to carry on the link. I admire many, many fabulous bloggers but I don’t want to add to the business of this insane season by linking to them and obliging them to continue the chain. So yes, I am the Grinch who stole the linky.

The good news is that I want to wish everyone some peace and rest in this fuckpants crazy time of year. I hope you all survive it without too many valium-laced eggnogs.

May all your Christmas lights illuminate first try.

Image from here.

May all your trees be squirrel-free. (At this point I’d also like to add possum-free but that’s the next blog post)

Image from here.

May the road rise with you this
Christmas Season

Image from here.

*“The Sunshine Award is an award given by bloggers to other bloggers. The recipients of the Sunshine Award are: “Bloggers who positively and creatively inspire others in the blogosphere”. The way the award works is this: Thank the person who gave you the award and link back to them. Answer questions about yourself. Select 10 of your favourite bloggers, link their blogs to your post and let them know they have been awarded the Sunshine Award!”

** Probably just those three ladies I mentioned above.