Hello? Is there anybody out there?

Hi Frog Lovers. It’s been (counts the months/years on her fingers) quite some time since I last wrote here. I’m going to be here more often in the near future, I promise! I have loads to tell you.

Alcoholic beverages may be required. Yes for you too.

Five Frogs Blog

Do you have any requests? Any types of animals you’d like me to write about? If so, let me know in the comments.

In the meantime, here are a few of the frog’s best bits since I started writing here on the lily pad. I hope you enjoy them.

My Top Ten dumb-arse moments of all time (from August 2012)

Would you change your sex, if you could never change back again? (from May 2013)

Conversations with my brain: And then my Basal Ganglia went on strike (from March 2013)

Conversations with my brain: Tarsiers on crack (from November 2012)

And finally, we discover that the real reason women drink at the races is not because they’re keenly aware that they’re standing ankle-deep in mud while freezing in expensive-but-now-rain-soaked cocktail dresses in order to take part in an outdated social ritual based on animal cruelty. It’s to dull the pain of being slowly devoured by their ridiculously impractical head-wear. A revelation that will change human history (AKA you and your spermatophores are going home alone) (from August 2012)

I’m back, baby. Watch this space.


True facts about the frog

First I want to thank you all for the amazing response to Laugh Link we had last week. You all jumped on board with enthusiasm and I hope you had a good chuckle.

Second I want to say THANK FROG last week is done and dusted. The Lily Pad had a 9 year old’s birthday, a sleepover, a bad virus, and a very sick pussy all in one horrible week that tested this frog’s patience and ability to not KILL ALL THE THINGS.

Now, of course, my companion on the Lily Pad is sick.

I don’t have a funny story this week thanks to the aforementioned but I do want to share this video about me. I hope you find it helpful, and not at all disturbing. No, not at all.

P.S. Don’t forget to check out Laugh Link. We can always do with some extra chuckles. Click on the button! Go on! I dare you!


Problogger and lizards by the pool

© Mathew Hayward | Dreamstime.com

As this post publishes, I’m winging my way to the Gold Coast for Problogger 2013

So no posts from me for a few days. Keep in touch with me on Twitter where I’m sure I’ll be tormenting you with photos of all the lovelies I smooch at Problogger and the lizards I hang out with by the pool (not at Problogger). You can follow the #pbevent hashtag on Twitter. 

After Problogger, I’m going to plant my slimey green arse next to a pool and drink a large number of tall, cold, brightly-coloured glasses of fruit-based alcohol. There may even be tiny umbrellas and maraschino cherries.
See you around the pool, Frog-Lovers.

So there were these five frogs on a log…

… and four of them decided to jump off.

I’ve been wanting to get back to writing for so many years it doesn’t bare thinking about. Oh god, is it bear or bare? See? I’m rusty.

I decided long ago to get back into it.

I was a frog on a log.

So after four of those five frogs decided to jump off, how many were left on the log?

You’re wrong if you said one.

Five. There are still five frogs on the log, because deciding to jump doesn’t get you off the damn log. You have to actually jump.

This blog is my jump off the log.